Tuesday, May 29, 2007

I, turtle

I've noticed other local bloggers writing about a trend I've recently found myself privy to: I am increasingly receding from national media and news or anything that doesn't immediately effect me within the confines of my little postage stamp of the world, New Orleans.

I'm not sure if it's more an internal or external catalyst, but I'm surprised to learn I'm not the only one experiencing it. I have no desire to watch T.V....anything on T.V....I'm even bored with the Daily Show and Real Time. I think it may be media overload, but I also think it may be a sub-conscious defense mechanism to save my sanity.

We're heading into a grueling and ominous summer. The news of so many businesses closing and an increasing amount of peeps bailing out of the city before the storm season begins is starting to take it's toll on me. All this while I have finally resolved my house issues and am on the verge of getting my family back into the city under the same roof.

There are so many folks and loved ones jumping ship....Meanhwile, I'm reboarding with family in tow.

The demons of self doubt are clawing at my soul and it's taking a tremendous amount of energy to hold them at bay. I am too consumed with my own little world to worry about the one outside...I feel like I'm pulling my head back into my shell.

Ya heard me?

11 comments:

Leigh C. said...

Hell, yeah, I heard ya!

It especially didn't help that my dad came into town this past week. I made the quasi-mistake of taking him on a little tour off the Isle of Denial. Oh, it needed to be done...I just don't think I shoulda been the one to do it.

Back to my own shell, now...

MAD said...

Take a break from it all and you may feel better. Turtles take life very slow, and wisely withdraw into their shell when danger appears.
In the course of a life longer than yours, I have overdosed on self-importance more than once. Live for a while just for yourself and your loved ones. You don't owe the world anything. Re-connect with yourself. Turn your mental focus inward to the core values and principles that define your life. Seek an inner peace through a Higher Power, if you are so inclined, or perhaps through a heightened sense of spirituality and oneness with nature. Find peace within yourself and everything else tends to fall in place.

Anonymous said...

Me too. Have been this way since the storm. Get the paper and read local stories. Skim national and international. Get ready for the hot murder season too. Post storm I rode my bicycle all over NO. Now, I have the murder locations in my head. There are too many. I stick to the lesser murder spots. Not that anyone would want to kill me, but those stray bullets will get someone.

Erzulie said...

I hear you, Brah.
I, too will be coming back with my family next month.
Not only do I worry about returning at the beginning of Hurricane season, I also worry about the economy, lifestyle, and the politics I will be faced with upon return.
I'm not only scared of floods, hurricanes, or tropical rains that can cause our city to flood again and again due to inefficient pumps, but I'm scared to feel the rape and torture Entergy and Nagin's lack of leadership that may be infused in my life with little to no recourse. (I've got my gears up for that battle!)
I've been reading up on all the information, links and commentaries in your blog, D... It's Fucking scary!
But, I have attempted to prep myself mentally for my return home and really just hope for the best. Although, some of your peeps are jumping ship, hope that "staying the course" in this scenario will prove to be wise.

LAW70 said...

Yes, Brother D, I hear ya. I often wonder how you and those who currently reside in NO do it? Your strength and determination amazes me!! Please know that you are in my prayers. There will come a day when all "old" things will be made "new". You are in line for a blessing!! Believe that!!

Bicyclemark said...

realizing it doesn't help any.. but your decision to stay and push on is very inspiring.

slate said...

My daughter and 7 yr old grandson moved here last summer. It was a very tough question for my husband and myself when she asked about it. My grandson had watched Katrina on TV (don't ask why he was allowed to when he was five, I don't go there) and he was concerned. We've had lots of talks about hurricanes and storms. He now knows that it's "his job" to evacuate and take care of the pets. We will probably not evacuate this time, hell, we were only gone 6 days last time and don't want to do that again. All in all, I think our daughter did the right thing moving here, even given the problems.

As for national news vs local, I do the same with the exception of the Iraq war. I really have difficulty separating the war and New Orleans money issues. Every time I hear budget numbers tossed around, in the billions and billions, I struggle with the idea of bad pumps, not enough housing, the LEVEES, and all the other things that that money and indeed, our troops could be building.

Now the thunder is rumbling outside my window and we're a couple days out from hurricane season. The local news is busy talking about evacuation plans and what's not ready. The storm center says lots of storms this year, but they said that last year too. Nevertheless, the internal tension is here, it's in the air. Everyone's feeling it, few are discussing it.

I'm to a point on my little "postage stamp" where at least I have an idea of what I'm up against, and that's better than the alternative. At least here I feel like I can contribute something in any event.

That's a good thing after living in SFrancisco where earthquakes are always reported in the past tense.

"We have just experienced an earthquake registering ____ on the Richter Scale. There is some power outage. . . . .damage estimates. . . ."

TravelingMermaid said...

I'm tired of drama.

Dambala said...

I doubt that.

Sophmom said...

I have a hard time paying attention to anything else and I'm not even there. You have every right to retreat. We all benefit from the attention you're paying to post-flood New Orleans. I believe it's THE compelling story of our time and continues to reveal defining events for our country, no matter how ugly. MAD's comment advice is important. We should all do that, no matter what we're facing, and, Slate's right, but I can't help but wonder if the incompetent nincompoops would have done any better even if the money wasn't going to Iraq.

I'm so glad to hear that your family is returning. I was down for the long Memorial Day weekend. It was beautiful.

Sophmom said...

Oh, and don't give up on Jon and Bill. They might not talk about it *all* the time but they really try to keep the story on the national stage.