Saturday, November 15, 2008

A request to Gene Mills and the LFF (actually a rant)

dNew Orleans Strip Clubs Could Be In Peril
per Oyster

Please just stay in your suburbian paradise in Baton Rouge....and stay the fuck out of the French Quarter. Please....I'm serious....just stay away. Why do you even care what we're doing down here? How is it bothering you? Do you sit around all day in your ranch house in Bluebonnet obsessing about the horrific sins being committed at the Hustler Club or even worse, the Bourbon Pub? Couldn't you be out feeding homeless people, working with battered wives whose sexually repressed, redneck husbands beat the shit out of them.....or figuring out one more spot on your car where you could fit another ribbon sticker between your L.S.U. and anti-evolution decals? I mean seriously dude, I don't sit around wondering what kind of fucked up glossolalic, convulsing, weird shit you're doing in your church on Sunday....why do you care if I'm getting my freak on Saturday night? You can sucker the money out of all the stupid, lonely motherfuckers you want to by waving a bible at them....I don't care....just don't bother me if I want to stuff my money into the g-string of a woman waving her ass at me. See how that works? I don't bother you...you don't bother me....we're all happy. It's called America...Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness...as long as my Life, Liberty and Pursuit of Happiness doesn't interfere with someone else's right to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness....that's the basis for the formation of law. The basis for the creation of law isn't because you don't like or approve of something....if it's not interfering with your basic rights as an American then you have to fucking deal with it. My suggestion to you, once again, would be to stay north of I-10 and specifically out of the Quarter. Everyone in New Orleans knows what goes on in the Quarter and we're cool with it, capiche? Even Swaggert had the good sense to get his freaky-deaky on and not throw stones....and he got caught. If you keep attacking us, I'm going to start coming up to Baton Rouge on Sunday mornings (if I can get up that early) and protesting your church for raping weak minded fools out of their already over-taxed paychecks.

you know what...i'm not done with this rant...i'm gonna pick this back up after i get drunk and turn into even more of an asshole than I am when sober. more to come.

Round 2: Ok, i'm still sober but I pulled up this .pdf off the LFF website regarding "SOB's" (i know...i know) Sexually Oriented Businesses. This is rich...get item number 4:

Inside SOBs, especially in “peep show” booths, sexual activity occurs, including masturbation,
oral and anal intercourse, sometimes with anonymous and multiple partners. We also know that
drug use and prostitution occurs, especially in nude dancing establishments. Often there is
illegal sexual contact between patrons and employees, and sometimes sexual assaults occur.

Don't all those things happen in churches too? I mean I read the papers all the time and I see more stories about these things happening in churches than clubs. With the drug use reference....how many members of the average church's congregation are on SSRI's or other behavior modification pharmaceuticals? I love how they had to explicitly spell out "oral and anal intercourse"....Oh my God! NO! Not that!

And this footnote:

We also have an epidemic of children imitating pornography to sexually attack other children.

hrruuhh? what? i guess I missed that report on CNN.

All of the regulations we come up with must be supported by an adequate factual
basis, but that factual basis can be provided by existing studies of negative effects of
SOBs from other communities -- we don’t need independent evidence of harm from here.

no, let's not bother with evidence or factual basis in our own city (which by the way...New Orleans is not your city).

To protect neighborhoods, we can zone SOBs and create buffer zones between them and
residences, schools, parks and churches, and to keep them away from each other so we
don’t have a red light district.

O.K....the buffer zone is about 80 miles right now...is that far enough? Once again...do whatever the fuck you want to in that shitty, little town of yours...don't try to legislate ours.

We can regulate peep shows by taking the doors off and making them visible to the store
manager, and require that no more than one person be allowed in each booth, to prevent
illegal sexual contact.

I'm O.K. with that too, but let's also take the doors of the rectory, so we can see what's going on there as well.

We also know that the neighborhoods become blighted, with
increased traffic, noise, and litter of sexually explicit material.

yeah like say...the Las Vegas strip or the Quarter...all that light...oh wait you said blight. That's funny, I've seen a lot of blighted churches around N.O., but I don't think I've seen a single blighted strip club in the Quarter. As for the litter, it seems like everywhere I go during Mardi Gras some asshole has dropped these pamphlets telling me I'm going to hell....I guess that litter doesn't count.

I'm still sober and I'm just getting started.

6 comments:

LatinTeacher said...

Nice use of the word glossolalic. Just feeding off your logic - the French Quarter is off the beaten path. You can't stumble onto it. There really shouldn't be children on the few blocks that have "clubs" anyway. It's not like strip clubs in other parts of the country - in a strip mall.

GentillyGirl said...

Fucking A!

This whole strip club stuff is utter banal B/S.

Who the fuck has the right to look into how we live and what we do in that livingness? It ain't their concern.

They should look at THIER adultery, the incest, rapes and generally shitty attitudes about us "others".

The true image they see in the mirror will destroy them.

GentillyGirl said...

BTW- I hold the fort near I-610 for the Quarter.

Anonymous said...

just to provide counter-perspective -

i worked at a 'gentlemen's club' earlier this year, my most recent such tour of duty bartending in peak season on bourbon st. the scene is really bad now. there is way more exploitation and sex acts than i've ever seen before. there used to be a little bad stuff, you know. it's not just dancing anymore, it's full on. the vice cops are paid off. if the existing laws were followed this guy you're posting about would be less relevant. but actually, he's right.

also, in new orleans public schools, i have recently witnessed children as young as 5 imitating sex acts they saw or heard about in music, and sexually forcing themselves on other children. how would you feel if your elementary school child were sexually assulted by another young child?

so what's the answer then?

Puddinhead said...

I guess we have to make sure to keep the elementary school kids out of the strip clubs.


Woo-hoo....problem solved!

Dambala said...

- i worked at a 'gentlemen's club' earlier this year, my most recent such tour of duty bartending in peak season on bourbon st. the scene is really bad now. there is way more exploitation and sex acts than i've ever seen before. there used to be a little bad stuff, you know. it's not just dancing anymore, it's full on. the vice cops are paid off. if the existing laws were followed this guy you're posting about would be less relevant. but actually, he's right.


You know what...I don't even care about that....it's still not bothering me is it? Some fat fuck from Alabama is getting laid in a club on Bourbon Street...good for him.


- also, in new orleans public schools, i have recently witnessed children as young as 5 imitating sex acts they saw or heard about in music, and sexually forcing themselves on other children. how would you feel if your elementary school child were sexually assulted by another young child?

Man, you're all over the place...titty bar bartender...public school employee? Have you worked for Treasury Department as well, I have some questions about their policies, too.

Are you trying to tell me that 5 year old kids in our public schools are humping each other because the saw it at a club on Bourbon? Give me a fuckin' break.