Friday, May 14, 2010

Mefferts: It just taint fair

Greg Meffert and wife ask federal judge to change venue for bribery case

While pretrial questioning of potential jurors can sometimes eliminate those with prejudices against defendants, that is not possible in this case because the "taint is too extensive and too subtle," according to the motion.

Well if the taint is interfering I would suggest you change the motion.

Here's how I imagine the conversation in Judge Fallon's chambers:

Randy Smith: "Your honor, the problem here is that my defendant's taint is simply too extensive."

Everyone grimaces.

Judge Fallon: "Well I can see where that could be a problem."

Prosecutor: "Objection your honor, the taint is irrelevant, while noticeable, it serves no purpose."

Judge Fallon: "Overruled. From personal experience I can tell you the taint can be a dividing factor."

Everyone in the room nods in agreement.

Randy Smith: "Your honor, in the defendant's case the problem is complicated. You see my client's taint is very subtle."

Prosecutor: "How can the defendant's taint be extensive and subtle at the same time?"

Judge Fallon: "Good question."

Randy Smith: "Because in this case your honor, my client's taint is not exposed to the public, but the public knows it's there."

Prosecutor: "Objection...that can be said of everyone, your honor. Other people's taint is not something people like to talk about but we all know it's there."

Everyone quietly shakes their head in unison.

Judge Fallon: "Is there any way to determine the actual extent of the defendant's taint?"

Silence falls on the room as they contemplate the matter....

Randy Smith: " Your honor, I'd like to introduce a new witness to the case...she works at Visions."

Ba-dum-bomp.

Oh wait I just realized, that joke doesn't work....men don't have 'taints do they. Oh well.

UPDATE: One of my female friends just IM'd me and said "What exactly is a 'taint, my definition of it is a little fuzzy." Oh man...I'm really ROFL right now.

And turns out men do have taints according to Urban Dictionary.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

So ridiculously funny, I can't stand it!

Cajun Queen said...

WOW!

You're in your element now!

Like your friend, I was baffled by the term also, but I learned a new word/definition today, thanks to the link.

Now it all makes sense---quite a clever post!

And my word thingy--it wasn't 'taint' but part of it named something quite close, as in 'nearby.'

Priceless.

Anonymous said...

It's the part between your anus and your privates. Taint your balls and taint your butt.

Anonymous said...

This is still funny.

Dambala said...

Whoever you are...thank you....cause I fucking cracked up when I wrote that. I thought that was the funniest thing I've ever written...and I'm a 40 year old man.

The double entendre is a rare, yet under appreciated jewel.

Anonymous said...

Hey Anthony Jones is back!

Whattaguy.

http://www.wwltv.com/news/Anthony-Jones-former-city-tech-head-guilty-in-battery-case-93968534.html