Sunday, December 31, 2006

Why I turned to Jesus


I just saw on the HuffPo where 25% of people in an AP/AOL poll think the second coming of Jesus Christ will occur in 2007. It's a notion evangelical Christians call "The Rapture".

So supposedly what happens is that all the "saved" evangelical Christians are going to suddenly disappear off the planet and be sucked up to heaven to live in eternal bliss with Jesus. If they're driving a car, the car will suddenly be empty....planes will crash, doctors will disappear in the middle of surgery, etc. Mass panic will ensue on the planet, according to the predictions of the righteous.

The more I thought about it...the more it started to affect me. So I got down on my knees and prayed for the first time since I was twelve.

"Jesus Christ, if you're there...I would ask you to please come in 2007 and conduct this whole rapture thing. There may be a little bit of confusion immediately following the event, but I think it will be totally worth it to get these idiots off the planet. Think of all the things mankind could accomplish without having to deal with their maniacal indignation. So, I don't know if you read the AP/AOL poll, Jesus, but they're ready to go....so I beg you to get 'em out of here."

Does that mean I'm born again?

7 comments:

TravelingMermaid said...

I agree....rapture 'em outa here. Besides, anyone who knows anything knows the end of humanity comes in 2012 when the Mayan calendar ends.

Matthew Paul Turner said...

I just want to apologize that so many of us Christians completely suck. Not all of us believe in the "rapture." Forgive us.

Sophmom said...

Great point, Ashe. May your prayer be answered, for the good of all. ;)

Was it you who suggested that Bush's stirring the pot in the Middle East in order to help bring to fruition the apocalypse his religion predicts?

Happy New Year, darlin'. It is my hope that 2007 is the best year ever.

Dambala said...

A humble bow to you Mr. Turner. But I think i denoted "Evangelical" in the post.

Sophmom, yeah I've heard that before, i didn't say it though. The question becomes what are these people gonna do when this never happens. I'm just wondering at what point they'll finally give it up, if ever.

happy new year TM and Soph!!

Secret Rapture said...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!
Read My Inaugural Address
My Site=http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman
Your jaw will drop!

Dambala said...

yeah my jaw dropped...because you're fucking insane. Get some meds man.

Secret Rapture said...

Thank you for leaving my link up. I stay off meds, although I qualify for them. The Secret Rapture soon! Within months, if not years, by my hand, we will be in the post apocalyptic world of 'Jericho' on TV! Stay tuned!