Oh Ichi

another existential post

i have a confession to make. In the wake of Dean's southern path, there's a part of my psyche....a part i was ignoring....which was crestfallen.

i have this nascent corner of my brain which not only expects the crazy bitch to claw me but anticipates it.

Maybe it's a manifestation of living in such an ongoing cluster fuck.

Or maybe it's human nature.

whatever.

i found myself drawn to watch Ichi the Killer for the fourth time last night. If you haven't seen the movie (and I'm not suggesting you do, it's not a film for those with a weak constitution) then you won't understand this simile...

i needed to experience Kakihara.

i kept thinking he had answers for me, but he didn't..... his only answer was Ichi.

i know Ichi....that's not an answer.

i feel a lot like Kakihara in juxtaposition to this city. there are times when i want to murder it for it's weakness and stupidity, but i must admit there's some pleasure in seeing if it will murder me first. It's like playing chicken...sooner or later you're gonna eat metal, but the misses are exhilarating. Ergo Dean.