...I just pulled out.
BREAKING: Steve Theriot and Jefferson Parish sue bloggers. Subpoenas information on Times Picayune commenters. Slabbed mentioned in suit not subpoeaned.
I have a friend who grew up somewhere in the middle of the gret stet. He once told me a story about an enterprising sheriff from his home parish who decided he was going to convert the local public pool into a catfish farm. He had all the free labor he needed from parish inmates...figured all he had to do was fill that cement pond up with catfish and he'd be pulling in the dough. So he rounded up a bunch of young whiskerlips and dumped 'em in the pool. You know what I'm going to say next don't you? Yeah...he didn't de-chlorinate it so he ended up with a nice stinky mess on his hands.
I used to think that was the dumbest thing a Louisiana public official ever did.
Well, I guess I underestimated Steve Theriot.
Aside from the fact that this is an enormous waste of taxpayer's dollars, his sense of timing is impeccable.
Steve...I want you to get up out of your air conditioned office in the Jenni building and step outside. Oh, and on your way down the elevator, take your head out of your ass. Now, inhale a flared-nostril breath into your lungs....do you smell that? Do you smell that nauseating, burning, diesel aroma? Do you know what that is? No, it's not the sewage plant on Earhardt. That smell, sir, is the largest ecological disaster in the history of this country and it's currently making its way into your parish and up into the waterways of Barataria and Lafitte. That smell is the distinct bouquet of economic expiry for thousands of people in your governmental province.
In case you didn't get the fucking memo....you have a catastrophic situation on your hands. I'm just wondering how you guys currently have the time to draft a lawsuit against bloggers and website commenters. Was that something you knocked off between disaster preparedness and rebidding insurance contracts?
I'm also wondering who the fucking idiots were who thought that was a good idea. Do you even realize what you're attempting to do? Any chance of success you have in this lawsuit would have to be heard by the Supreme Court....and I got news for you, brah...you ain't gonna make it half that far. I suppose you could try and spring Bodenheimer and buy a judgment in your favor, I'm sure J.P. still has some judges on the royal payroll...but whoever the parish attorney was who told you to move forward with this probably should have checked with a real attorney or even a law student before he/she convinced you to try and hold back the sea, King Canute.
You may want to start with NYT v. Sullivan...and work your way forward. You...sire...are a public figure...every member of the Jefferson Parish Royal Court is a public figure. The moment you "thrust yourself into the vortex of public opinion" you sacrificed a level of privacy retained by private individuals.
On top of that....you're suing....everybody? Everybody who comments on internet forums and blogs? The "John Doe" of the internet? At least the folks I pissed off were smart enough to threaten a lawsuit against me...an individual. You're suing the internet body whole? To accomplish what? To get the name of every blogger and commenter on Nola.com that you don't like? And what are you going to do if you get those names? Start a blog and write nasty comments about them?
Let me help you with this....you are going to have to subpoena IP addresses from thousands of people through hundreds of companies....I'm sure the fine folks of Jefferson Parish are ecstatic knowing that their tax dollars are being funneled down an endless well in a futile attempt to stifle the 1st amendment and assuage citizen's attempts to provide transparency in their parish government. You know...those same folks whose livelihoods are currently being wiped out because of a foreign corporate entity which was allowed to run unchecked for decades by government officials...people like you, Mr. former state auditor.
I think it's time for you and the Royal Court to execute an ego audit.
Why don't you take a break...go down to Ruth's....gnaw on a big fat porterhouse...drink a martini...and think about how fucking stupid this is. If that doesn't work, I will come pick you up at 8 am tomorrow to go talk to the shrimpers, oyster farmers, and commerical fisherman in Barataria and ask them what they would like you to focus your attention and parish resources on at the moment.
Or....Canute...you can play the fool.
UPDATE: Cenlamar corrects me on the catfish story
cenlamar.com said... "I have a friend who grew up somewhere in the middle of the gret stet. He once told me a story about an enterprising sheriff from his home parish who decided he was going to convert the local public pool into a catfish farm. He had all the free labor he needed from parish inmates...figured all he had to do was fill that cement pond up with catfish and he'd be pulling in the dough. So he rounded up a bunch of young whiskerlips and dumped 'em in the pool. You know what I'm going to say next don't you? Yeah...he didn't de-chlorinate it so he ended up with a nice stinky mess on his hands."
Actually, Dambala, the story is about the former Mayor of Alexandria, John K. "Tillie" Snyder. The story is briefly mentioned in his Wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_K._Snyder