Move Over John Derbyshire, we've got a new Asshole of the Year Contender

It's been about 19 months since Katrina hit New Orleans and the subpar levees built by the Army Corps of Engineers failed, destroying most of the city, taking lives, and fucking things up royally for most of us. So one would think that by now the attempted poetic waxings of the ignorant, misinformed self-aggrandizing assholes in various media outlets would have died down by now.

No such luck.

I stumbled across this gem earlier today, by a former professional wrestler-cum-philosopher, whose moniker, The Ultimate Warrior, belies his narrow-minded, foolish rantings and is an insult to the term warrior
here are some highlights from the ultimate one's recent article:

Anyone who expresses sentiments like "How could they let this hurricane come here and do this to our lives?" is a kook as far as I am concerned. Truth is, these people thrive on despair and disarray. Chaos -- mentally and physically and in the way they conduct their lives -- is nothing new to them. They forge their whole lives in and around it. This hurricane, to them, was nothing more than rearranging the furniture. They never gave a care for order, cleanliness or function before, but once they get the attention of someone who can take over the responsibility of their lives for them, they go on tirades about how their lives had been ruined. Their lives were already in ruin -- self ruin.

yeah. i know.

and it gets better:

Everyone makes mistakes, but only stupid people make the same ones over and over again. Beginning with the choice to sit around expecting someone else to hand them a wonderful, beautiful, healthy and wealthy life. These people should be thankful all humans are not undisciplined, promiscuous, depressing, doom-and-gloom maniacs like them. Some of us care to do better all the time, not just in the face of disaster when someone else will do the work and pick up the bill. If all people were like this, it wouldn't only be New Orleans that was a toilet bowl right now, and it wouldn't be so because a hurricane caused it.

toilet bowl? where the fuck does this asswipe live? What glorious Utopia has the pleasure of counting him among it's citizenry? and more importantly, what the fuck is he talking about? I don't know ANYONE in New Orleans sitting around "expecting someone else to hand them a wonderful, beautiful, healthy and wealthy life" - and I know a lot of New Orleanians.

UW - Here's a thunk for you - get off the juice and get informed. If you knew ANYTHING about the post-katrina damage in New Orleans, you'd know the disaster in New Orleans was MAN-MADE. In case you doubt this, just ask the fuckers that caused the disaster in the first place - they've already admitted it publicly.

I could go on here UW, about how our culture, our music, architecture, cuisine, arts, and historical significance are without equal in this country, and how this city has inspired generations of some of the greatest writers, artists and musicians anywhere. And how we're pretty much the soul of this entire fucking country. But if you don't care about that shit, we could talk about something I'm sure you do care about: oil. And how 30 PERCENT of the nation's oil and gas supply comes right off our coast, through our state to your local gas station (assuming you live on the east coast). Want to get rid of New Orleans? You might want to think about how many stupid fucking Ultimate Warrior hats and t-shirts you're going to have to sell to fill up your Hummer (I'm guessing here - you don't seem like the Prius-type) when gas prices are $5 a gallon.

Okay, I'll close with one more brilliant excerpt from this oiled-up thundercat-in-ladies underwear, because it's just too good to not share:
Truth is, before Katrina it was nothing more than a pornographic cesspool of decadence and depravity. You know, an East Coast version of the Las Vegas take on vacation time -- "what you do there stays there." You go there, drink and behave like a pervert, take a huge dose of antibiotics and a nice long shower before you hop on the plane back home, and, "Hey, who knows any better?" You go back to the church, PTA, and local council and "squarely" fit right back in. One thing is for sure. IF New Orleans ever was a great city, it certainly was not because it had leaders and citizenry like the leaders and citizenry it has today. Hurricane Katrina will go down as a historic catastrophe, yes. But what's most historic are the dour, helpless suicidal attitudes by the leaders and the people. As an American, I am appalled at having to witness this.

Really? Well, as a New Orleanian (and an ardent supporter of the first amendment, btw), I'm appalled that you not only wrote something so stupid, but that it actually got published. And I'm a blogger for fuck's sake.

What I love about fuckmooks like this is their ability to spout off such brilliant insights without any fucking clue as to what they're talking about. I'm betting the transition from pro wrestler to pundit was pretty seamless for UW. When was the last time he came to New Orleans? And if that's how he spent his time here "drink and behave like a pervert", well, that says a lot.

You see UW - a lot of people come to New Orleans and don't behave like perverts. They come here and dine in some of the best restaurants in the world, catch some of the top jazz musicians in the world at a local clubs, they shop for antiques and art, they meet friendly New Orleanians, who despite all the shit they've been through in the last 19 months, still manage to smile and treat visitors with respect, kindness and welcome them here with open arms. Some visitors even come down and help out in areas that need it most, like the lower 9th ward. Now I know that concept may be beyond your seemingly steroid-riddled brain, but you could help a little by just shutting the fuck up when you don't know what you're talking about.

Breaking News from the Snake Pit: How White Collar Criminals commit crimes under the guise of crime prevention

Our old buddy Mark Kurt, N.O. CIO, is apparently tyring to pull a fast one in the wake of our recent crime dilema. While everyone is pissed and demanding answers, you may have noticed one answer Nagin's administration is providing is to increase the number of crime cameras around town. Our local media has been lauding their success rate as well.

Sounds like a great idea right? (holy shit....right in the middle of this sentence Marlon Defillo just walked into the coffee shop I'm in...freaky deaky.)

Hold the applause folks.

The company who originally got this multi-million dollar contract as an RFP was a local company called Active Solutions. They designed and delivered the entire package for the city from scratch. They know the system inside and out and all the technical issues surrounding it, and by most accounts they delivered and delivered well.

The system works....it's producing arrests...great!

Nagin and Kurt advocate expanding the camera system under a new contract. So we put the contract up for RFP and let Active Solutions put in a bid along with any other companies who think they can do the job right???

WRONG beeoottchh!!!

I'll give you two guesses what Nagin did and the first one doesn't count. That's right...he issued another emergency procurement for the contract....after all guys, the whole crime thing is suddenly a pressing emergency right??? It's not like we haven't been living with it for goddam ever....oooohhhh now it's an emergency....oooohhhh the city marched down and told us it's an emergency..... ooohhhh let's issue a contract to someone....like say....us.

So under the procurement you'd think that Active Solutions would get the bid, huh? I mean they know the system inside and out considering they built the frukkin' thing. (Ashley...you dig frukkin? I like it...it rolls of the tongue.)

I'll give you two guesses who is getting the contract and the first one doesn't count. NETMETHODS.... yeah you right. Our good buddy Mark St. Pierre's company or Imagine V.2. Have they ever installed a system like this? Of course not. Does that matter? Of course not. Does it matter that Kurt was a former employee of Imagine? Of course not. Do you think Meffert will sit idly by and not figure out a way to get his greasy paws in on this? Of course not.

Now how can Meffert possibly get in on this without a legal breach? I would bet through Imagine V.4....Intelliport...a new company recently started by former Imagine/Netmethods employee Scott Domke. My guess is NetMethods will subcontract Intelliport who will employee Meffert. Just a guess.

So here's Nagin's answer to our crime problem...."I'll use the fervor to issue a no-bid contract to my good buddies and call it progress. Everyone will think I'm a genius."

I say we march on that fucker again and demand his arrest along with Meffert, Kurt, Domke, and St. Pierre.

Nagin and Meffert's bullshit already cost us a multi-million dollar grant from the DOJ which would have given us a storm-proof communication system before the storm. He tried to force 2nd party companies to run the contract through Imagine. The companies reported the shennanigans to the DOJ and they yanked the grant back. Ironically enough....he just got an award for his efforts to set up an ad-hoc wifi network during the hurricane.

I think they should both be charged with negligent homicide.

The Madness of Canute

The legend states that King Canute, ruler of an empire which included modern day England, Denmark, Norway, and part of Sweden, was exalted by his sycophantic courtiers in the most absurd manner. They went so far as to convince him he was not just a king, but a demi-god. He came to believe that he could hold back the motion of the great sea, itself.

Canute was pious, he knew he was merely a man, but he became deluded by his subjects. So much so that he decided to put the claim to the test. He had his throne carried to the seashore where he majestically commanded the tide to halt.

His majesty soon found himself, his throne, and his subjects, engulfed in the briny.

I've been thinking about that legend a lot lately. I've been thinking about my city a lot lately.

I've always felt like I was closely tied to the pulse of this city. I don't know why, but the moment I landed in New Orleans I was injected into it's circulatory system like the contents of a syringe being plunged into a vein.

I can say with a certain degree of confidence that I "know" it.

I don't fully know it...no one ever will. It's a city whose mystery is labyrinth. But through strange twists of fate, I have floated through myriad cultural circles in this city from elite uptown cliques to the seedy underside of the Quarter. There isn't much that could shock me. I've seen the depths of depravity and the heights of ecstasy...the passion play which is New Orleans, acted out by a cast of characters more eccentric than any casting agent in L.A. could fathom.

This thing...New Orleans...I am her friend.

I am worried about my friend. I think she may be dying...I think she is dying....she's dying but she refuses to acknowledge it.

It reminds me of the old man I would serve vodka sodas to at 6 in the morning when I worked at a hole in the wall in the Quarter. He would wake up, come in the bar, and start drinking. He would make it to about 11 a.m....5 drinks...then stumble back to his apartment on St. Philip and pass out. He'd wake up again at around 6 p.m., come back in and start all over until around 1 a.m. It was a endless cycle of destruction.

Sometimes he would go over his limit and start raising billy hell...upon which I would kick him out of the bar and send him home early. I watched this pattern for about 8 months.

I tried to talk to him about it one morning. I asked him if he realized he was killing himself. He told me I should mind my own fucking business. To that extent he was right. I was being paid to sell alcohol and he was one of the bar's best customers.

The guy died from liver failure within the year.

Maybe he had already resigned his life away and was just staying drunk until it ended. Who knows? Regardless, he refused to confront the condition he was in. He blindly spiraled down the same old path....straight to hell.

We've been called "The Isle of Denial". I've been calling it strategic delusion.

Denial...delusion....semantics aside, there are some cold hard facts upon which this city I love is going to have to come to Jesus. The main one being...we cannot hold back the sea.

We talk about levees, we talk about barrier islands, we talk about wetlands restoration....and we talk about the oil and gas royalties we need to conduct the largest terraforming project ever attempted by mankind. The one thing we're not talking about, is rising ocean levels and global warming. Maybe because some people don't believe it's real, maybe because some people think it's a bi-partisan political issue...and not something that will actually affect them, or maybe because it's just one big question mark in people's minds...an unknown.

Well, I've been dealing with nothing but question marks since Katrina, so I guess they don't bother me so much any more...I want to know what's gonna happen and what it means to us.

I'm not sure if anyone else noticed it, but In Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth", Louisiana was conspicuously absent in the map projections of what will happen as ocean level's rise. Katrina and New Orleans were all over the place, until they started showing the maps.

I suspected it was a political move...the filmmakers didn't want to show the maps in fear that it would adversely affect our efforts to get federal funding....it could have been used as a tool to justify conservative pundit's arugments not to rebuild the city.

I walked out of the film thinking only about the effect a melting planet was going to have on us....I wanted to see the maps and the reality.

______________________


No one knows for sure, the acceleration rate of global, glacial decay. The two big flashpoints are the Greenland and Antarctic ice shelves. If they go, it would mean sea levels will rise at least 20 feet...about 7 meters.

We know that the Greenland shelf is deteriorating at a much faster rate of acceleration than we previously thought. A Nasa study of the Greenland shelf estimated that it was currently melting at rate of 51 cubic kilometers per year which will raise ocean levels by .005 inches per year. While that doesn't seem like a lot, we're not sure how fast the acceleration is accelerating.

It's reasonable to guess that within a half century, ocean levels could rise by one to two meters, possibly more.

What will that mean to New Orleans and South Louisiana?

Check this out....these are projections from the University of Arizona Department of Geosciences Environmental Studies Laboratory. They have a really great map app. which shows the global effects of rising ocean levels.

We'll start at 1 meter...a conservative projection, you can click the image to make it larger:












That's three feet...and we're fucked. Build a bigger levee wall? then we'll be an island mudhole on the edge of the gulf.

Here's 3 meters:










Oceanfront property in Baton Rouge...damn....

Heres the 20 feet/6 meter scenario:











So long Lafayette.

The important thing to understand: this shit is real. At the most conservative scenario....1 meter....we're going under. This isn't centuries away....it could happen within our lifetime and most certainly our children's lifetime.

Maybe I'm oversimplifying the scenario, or not taking all the factors into account....I welcome any input.

I'm bringing this up, because I haven't seen anyone else talking about it. I just want to know the reality....and just how delusional we really are.