Saturday, April 07, 2007

Oy Vey....what it's like to live life in a jar

Creationist Chuck Missler....errrr....debunking....evolution while simultaneously debunking the existence of God (unwittingly).....all with a jar of peanut butter:

"You and I collectively conduct over a billion experiments every year, and we've done that for over a hundred years....and we never encounter new life."

Ok Chuck...I'll play along with your nutty logic. So that means that everytime people on the planet pray to a God...which would add up to billions of times a year....and they never physically encounter him....that would disprove God as well.

Or more apt....If i try to light a match underwater....a billion times....and the match never lights....that would mean fire doesn't exist.

Or....if I eat a whole jar of crunchy peanut butter a billion times....and take a crap outside on the cement a billion times....and no peanut plants spring up from the soiless peanuts in that doody....that would mean peanut plants, and hence peanut butter....never really existed.

But wait...there's more. Kirk Cameron, his banana-admiring, British buddy, and Chiquita have teamed up to undo 170 years of scientific study by peeling a banana:

I think that guy was enjoying the shape of that banana a little too much.

Here's my question, if God is so smart at designing fruit and vegetables...why does Monsanto feel the need to genetically modify it's seeds?

And what about fruckin' cocunuts? That was a really stupid design assuming God was designing everything for human hands. Not only are they a bitch to get could fall out of tree and knock your ass out cold. Unless of course the Big Guy has a sadistic sense of humor.

It is pretty funny to see someone get hit in the head by a falling cocunut.... ie. Gilligan.

Also, what was up with the Irish Potato famine? Why couldn't the Irish just grow bananas and not starve? Or are we back on that sadistic side of the Almighty?

And what about mutations in bananas? Does that mean God screwed up? Does that mean he's not omnipotent, or is he just experimenting with new styles of bananas? And why would he do that if he's already created the perfect banana?

Also, if Elvis invented the fried peanut butter and banana sandwich ....did it exist pre-Elvis? Does that make Elvis God?


Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

If the circular logic of these morons is giving me a headache, does that mean that their brains have never existed?

And does their circular logic, by being so perfectly circular, indicate that it belongs in a circular file?

(Incidentally, the password thing is pissing me off. THIRD TRY.)

Anonymous said...

Gee, I thought the banana video was proving evolution. Aren't the bananas made by God for monkey hands?

"Here's my question, if God is so smart at designing fruit and vegetables...why does Monsanto feel the need to genetically modify it's seeds?"

It's the kings of this world, don't you know, usurping God at every turn. Most people don't pray to a God anymore, they establish a wave pattern of ego emissions predicated on the idea "ask and ye shall receive". Never asking if they ask amiss.

Here's your parallel in the Irish Potato famine link: "The initial British government policy towards the famine was, in the view of historians such as F.S.L. Lyons, 'very delayed and slow'."

I'm less worried about mutations in bananas (diverse city, you know) than about mutations in people. Especially of the soul variety.

Finally, did the Internet exist before Gore invented it? And did it *cause* global warming?

Jason Brad Berry said...

No, Carmen, don't you know evangelical truth? Gore didn't invent the internet...Satan did. Gore invented Global Warming though...and he's going to use it to punish the red states that didn't vote for him...Gore is the antichrist (no offense ASC) and works in tandem with the prince of darkness.

Jason Brad Berry said...

a world of zombies.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

No offense a'tall. I'd be quite damned proud to be confused with Al Gore, and I'd give both my tits to have his grasp of science and ecology.

TIPPER, on the other hand, would go absofuckinglutely APESHIT if anybody linked Al to ANY antichrist (even Rumsfeld hisself), much less to ME.

(Yes, I'm still pissed about the PMRC thing and no, I probably won't ever forgive her.)

Anonymous said...

In regards to the banana, does he know that it fits the same way in a monkey's hand?

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